Like how a dear friend could be a rapist. The neighbor you spent most of your days with likes little boys and helps wives have affairs on the side. You will get lumped in with them just because of that experience that unwillingly linked the both of you. Someone will get their brain splattered across the pavement for reasons even the assailant doesn’t know. Your life is in constant jeopardy just because you have something “they” wants, but not willing to work for. Series like Law and Order, Chicago PD, and How to Get Away With Murder are all compelling, cringe worthy stories that reflect our fears and demented imagination, but you have to ask yourself. What inspired these tales to begin with?
That make everything awkward. I’m not sure if it’ll ever come natural for someone who’s father said it only because he felt obligated to. Maybe it would be easier to say if my ex girlfriend didn’t completely disregard my yearning to see her after a couple of weeks. I could be scared or…. They just don’t deserve it. I don’t have to love everyone and I barely know them. I find it difficult to love myself, let alone someone who doesn’t provide any credibility.
I’ll continue to guard my heart until that day I can be utterly transparent with well anyone. There is no need to damage for my heart for the brief period of softening yours only to leave me while saying
“I love you.”
I didn’t choose you because you were a great candidate. I chose you because you fit the description. Allusive, strong, and resourceful. Not to mention you don’t mind getting your hands dirty. This isn’t just a simple snatch and grab or fighting a bunch of thugs in an alley; what I need you to do requires a lot more finesse. So, are you up for it?
The one to shine upon the world. An ordinary light that can magnify the those who inhabit it. I may not be able to fight or win every argument, but just by being there maybe I can give you strength. Maybe this time you can look to me for refuge and I can be of use. I’m not sure if I can be enough, but I can be here.
In 3280 the world has been encased in a dome. It has been so long since the day of capsulation that many of us have forgotten what life was like before the dome. Needless to say this has made the flow of air halt and many of us have been left scrambling to find ways to breathe. Some have decided to live in the sea and adapted into some human-fish hybrid, while others have distributed pills that allow us to go on without oxygen called AX2. It seems like we were managing until they started raising the prices of AX2 as the months go by. Those who can’t afford it either went to pillaging or drop dead right on the street. And that’s where we are now, in a cruel science experience turned battle royal.
Give you a hug and throw you a parade? Suck your dick and run you a bath with those bombs you love so much? Because I can’t tell you it’s gonna be okay and I’m not about to lie to you. You chose to love a man that wasn’t right for you and that’s your decision. You don’t want honesty, hell you’re probably not even looking for sincerity. What you want is to hear yourself talk and formulate a conclusion in whatever you call that thing nesting between those ears. I have too much to deal with and not enough shits to give for my problems and yours. (Breath) I ‘m not saying I don’t care because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here; what I am saying is that if you aren’t gonna listen to me anyway what’s the point?
Since you never cared about my emotions. I was never a priority and the conversation never casually came my way. Since nobody listens or cares what I have to say why not say what I want? What’s the harm in being unapologetically myself when what I am faced with is silence, abandonment, and judgement? Your pettiness is my honesty, your rude behavior is my assertiveness, and your weirdness is my individuality. Since I get glared upon with side eyes by people who claim to me and say I’m the kindest person they’ve ever met why not be an ass in this world of walking contradiction?
It shouldn’t have to take death to make me miss you. A shattered pelvis and dislocated limbs to honor your gift. It would be easier to appreciate your presence, your drive, kindness, and the fact that you were a better man than I’ll ever hope to be. The fact that I’m writing this means I should have been a better friend and made more effort. Feelings aren’t easy for me. Heck, death still seems unrealistic to me as well. I just find myself expecting to see you walking by and having our casual, corky conversations like we used to. I am honored to have been your friend and I hope that I had meant something to you.
In Memory of: Lance
“Sometimes, music can communicate in a space uninhabitable by even the most wildly ambitious words,” writes John at Windstrewn. “Lake Ransom” is his latest piece: an original, ambient musical composition.
Sarah Gerard digs into her failures — failing a stranger, failed projects, a failed marriage — as part of her ongoing recovery from anorexia and bulimia.